508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
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