so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
