...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Randomize
