God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
im drinking this country out of the recession.
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
