Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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