I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Randomize
