i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
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