How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
