so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Hello my rib-scented angel!
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
