I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
