Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
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