I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
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