CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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