His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Randomize
