HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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