Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
