I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
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