you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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