you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
We were destined to go to rehab together
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
