someone threw a dead crab at me
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
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