Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Randomize
