Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
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