i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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