oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Randomize
