careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Randomize
