I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
