Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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