in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Randomize
