Jerry, you need to find god
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
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