Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
My room smells like vodka and shame
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
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