so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
