i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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