gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize
