I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
I could make wine with my vomit
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
not ubering you a puppy
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
