Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
Randomize
