How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
