he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize