I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
