my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Randomize
