Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
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