I cockslap morals
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
