he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Randomize