Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
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