not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
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