I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Randomize
