just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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