all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
