We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Randomize
