my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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