Fine. I'll sleep in my office
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Randomize
