ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Randomize