Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
