Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
