HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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