Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Randomize
