I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
