we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Randomize
