she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Randomize