The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
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