So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
