I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Randomize
