You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Randomize
