So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
Randomize
