Joe is yelling at the trees again.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
