Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
