omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
