You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Randomize
