He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
