So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
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