she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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