i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Randomize
