The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
You don't have asthma, your pregnant
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Randomize
