we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Randomize