Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
