I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Randomize
