when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
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