now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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