It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
