I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
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