What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
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