i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
I don't deserve a penis
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Randomize
